The GOP's Guide to Rigging Elections: A History of Dirty Tricks

This ain't your grandma's voter suppression—although, let's be honest, she probably experienced it too.

The Neverending Story: Voter Suppression, a Timeless Classic

A fact; the idea of denying certain folks the right to vote is as old as democracy itself. Back in the day, it was all about who you were, what you owned, and the color of your skin. Now, we like to pretend it's all about age and criminal records, but come on. The U.S. has a long and shameful history of keeping folks away from the ballot box, and it's an ugly part of history that tries to repeat itself.

The KKK: From Hooded Hate Mongers to Political Cheats

Remember those guys in the white sheets? Yeah, they weren't just about burning crosses and terrorizing communities. They were also big fans of voter suppression. Back in the day, they used violence and intimidation to keep Black folks from voting. But when that became illegal, they got sneaky. They infiltrated politics, pulled strings, and passed laws designed to make voting harder than rocket science for anyone who wasn't white. Let’s not forget the intimation tactics.  Masked Klansmen would ride through Black neighborhoods at night during election times, shouting threats and firing guns into the air…. Fucking crackheads.

The Literacy Test Tango and the Poll Tax Two-Step

They came up with all sorts of creative ways to keep Black folks from voting. There was the literacy test, where you had to read and write like a Shakespeare scholar just to register. And if you couldn't read? Well, you could try explaining a passage to a local official who probably had the power to decide if your explanation was "good enough." Actually… Considering the most recent election maybe we should bring this part back.

And then there was the poll tax, where you had to pay a hefty fee just to cast your ballot. It was like a cover charge for democracy, and guess who couldn't afford it? People of color and poor white folks, of course. But hey, at least the black guy can’t vote, right?  

The Modern Makeover: Voter Suppression Gets a Facelift (and a Spray Tan)

But don't worry, voter suppression didn't go out of style. It just got a makeover. Today, it comes in all sorts of fancy new packages, wrapped in dog whistles and coded language. There's felon disenfranchisement, where people with criminal records (mostly Black and brown folks, what a surprise!) lose their right to vote. It's like a lifetime ban from democracy, just because you made a mistake.  

Then there's gerrymandering, where politicians draw district lines that look like they were designed by a drunk octopus. They carve up communities, pack minorities into certain districts, and dilute their voting power like a glass of Hennesy that doesn’t hit the same after the ice melts. It's like playing a game of political Jenga, where the goal is to make sure the tower falls on anyone who doesn't vote your way or think like you.

And let's not forget about voter ID laws, where you need a special ID to vote, but not to buy a gun. It's like saying, "Sure, you can defend yourself, but don't you dare try to have a say in how this country is run." And guess who's less likely to have those special IDs? Black folks and poor folks, of course. It's almost like it's by design, isn't it?

The Polling Place Shuffle and the Water Bottle Ban

And if all that wasn't enough, they also like to play games with polling places. They close down polling places in minority neighborhoods, making it harder to get to the polls. They create long lines, making it harder to wait. And they even make it illegal to give water to people waiting in line, just in case they get thirsty while exercising their fundamental right. It's like they're trying to make voting as inconvenient and uncomfortable as possible, hoping you'll just give up and go home.

The 2024 Remix: Old Tricks, New Beats

But wait, there's more! The GOP's not just recycling old tricks; they're remixing them for the 21st century. They're spreading conspiracy theories about non-citizen voting, like those sneaky immigrants stealing elections left and right. They're hacking voting machines, leaking passwords, and blaming it on the "deep state." They're even recruiting poll workers like they're casting for a blockbuster movie, hoping to create an army of election deniers ready to challenge ballots and intimidate voters.  

The KKK: Still Kicking, Still Suppressing (and Probably Voting Republican)

And just to make things even more interesting, the KKK isn't just a relic of the past. They're still around, still suppressing votes, and probably still voting Republican. They've traded their white sheets for MAGA hats, but their goal is still the same: to keep Black folks and other minorities from having a voice. It's a scary thought, but it's the reality we live in.

The Bottom Line: Voter Suppression is Un-American (and Racist)

So, what's the moral of the story? What? Are you gonna tell me you made it this far and all of a sudden can’t read? Voter suppression is un-American and a stain on our democracy, a slap in the face to our founding principles, and a blatant attempt to silence the voices of those who have been historically marginalized. It's time to call it out, fight back, and make sure everyone has the right to vote, regardless of their race, religion, or socioeconomic status. Because in a true democracy, every vote counts, and every voice matters.

Sources:

Ku Klux Klan in the Reconstruction Era

The Enforcement Acts of 1870 and 1871 - Senate.gov:

Is Voter Fraud a Danger or a Myth?

Historical Connections and Voter Suppression | United States History I - Lumen Learning: